Some Bodybuilder Humor

I ran across these videos a while back. Since I'm taking the competition plunge, I thought I'd share them with you. This is a satirical look at what happens diet and exercise wise in the world of bodybuilding. Sit back and enjoy some laughs! Oh, and be aware of some potentially offensive language (if you are sensitive to such)...

I Want to be a Bodybuilder

A conversation between a guy training for a bodybuilding competition and his wife

I Want to be a Bodybuilder - Part 2

A conversation between a guy training for a bodybuilding competition and his wife

(2 weeks out from competition)

I Want to be a Bodybuilder - Part 3

A conversation between a guy training for a bodybuilding competition and his wife 

(2 weeks out from competition). This is actually a continuation of Part 2.

I Want to be a Bodybuilder - Part 4

A conversation between a guy training for a bodybuilding competition and his hot prep coach at the start of peak week (the week before competition).

The Bucket List

Not too long ago I told my wife that I have done everything I had ever felt called to do, everything I wanted to do, or at least everything I wanted to try. I told her that if I died tomorrow I would die a happy and fulfilled man. After making that statement I felt a little uneasy. I mean, I don’t want to die tomorrow. I still have plenty of years left on the earth, at least I hope I do! The vocalization of that statement made me think deeply. I may have hit all of the major stuff I set out to accomplish in life. But, what about the fun stuff? What about the new stuff? Most people understand the definition of a Bucket List. And, many people have constructed one. In case you don’t know the term, a Bucket List is a list of things you want to accomplish, or at least attempt before you die. So, I began thinking about my Bucket List – both past and future.

If you know me, you are probably aware that health and fitness are near and dear to my heart. I truly believe that we should all be the best that we can possibly be spiritually, emotionally and physically. I have battled the bulge and obesity my entire life. Growing up I was too fat, too weak, too clumsy and too out-of-breath to be successful at anything physical. I was the typical fat kid who was made fun of in school, in gym class and in the locker room because of my appearance. I was one of the last kids chosen when sports captains had to pick sides for teams at recess or in gym class. Those old scars run deep.

I have been working hard and entertaining the idea of bodybuilding for the past several years. I have decided that it is the next item on my bucket list. That will be a huge “haha” moment to show the world that I am no longer the insecure and fat little boy that used to be the fodder of fat jokes. It will show that I had a goal, a difficult goal, and I reached it! There have been many obstacles I have met in my quest for fitness. Well-meaning people have sabotaged my passion without being unaware. Statements like, “What are you trying to do? Have women hang all over you?” Or, “Those bodybuilders with muscles and veins look deformed and gross. You don’t want to look like that, do you?” Or, “If you show your body you are sinning because you may be causing someone who is weak to lust after you.” The list goes on. These opinions, coupled with a food addiction and past insecurities are all fuel for the fire of failure. But, no more entertaining the negative comments or allowing distractions. I met with my trainer this evening. After taking inventory of my physique he said I am ready to prepare for competition. I am going for the proverbial gold! I am going to compete!

What does this mean? This means 14 weeks of hard work and sacrifice. I have already lost 80 pounds from my heaviest. I now have six pack abs. I would like to lose another 10 -15 pounds to look really great shirtless. But, to compete you have to be about 20 pounds under your ideal "street" weight for your muscles to show. I will have to lose at least another 35 pounds. To accomplish this goal, it means a strict diet that can’t be varied. It means personally preparing and controlling every bite of food that goes into my mouth. It means no eating restaurant food. It means no alcohol. It means getting plenty of rest. It means 5 hours of weight training every week. It means 3-5 hours of cardio training every week. It means developing a posing routine and 2 hours of routine practice per week. It means shaving my body. It means getting spray tanned layer upon layer and oiled down so that every muscle glimmers in the spot lights. It means being exhausted and thirsty as the competition approaches. It means hitting the stage with 300 sets of eyes looking for any imperfection in my body on a stage along with a panel of judges. It means being completely confident while being 95% naked.

This is the next item on my bucket list. It matters not if I win. What matters is that I have had the tenacity, nerve and dedication to achieve the physical status to at least try what once seemed like an impossible endeavor for a fat, insecure little boy. I am going to need all of the support possible to reach this goal. Please understand when I have to say no to food or drink. Please be there to encourage me. Are you willing to be on Team Mike?

Politically Correct Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!?
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows:
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...

"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."


Author unknown. But, thanks for sharing Jennifer!

Who in the Heck is Mikey Geeze?

I work for the Federal Government in an agency that I would have to kill you if I told you. It isn't really that secretive. But, it sounds dramatic, right? They are opening up some of our computer networks to allow social networking at work. The reason is to provide better customer support since nearly EVERYONE communicates through Twitter, Facebook and YouTube these days. So, since they are opening up this wide and wonderful world to us (like I don't know how to social network-ha), we had to take "Social Networking" training. Actually, it was very enlightening and made me think. Here are some of the recommendations and highlights:

• Don't use a full face picture on your profile. Someone could steal it and make a fake security ID.
• Make everything on your page as private, or restricted to only friends, as much as possible.
• Don't put where you went to school, where you live, or where you have worked. It gives people ammunition to impersonate you.
• Don't utilize the "I am Related to You" applications. You may have your profile locked down. But, on cousin Susie's page there you are in all of your glory. Again, ammunition to impersonate you.
• Don't utilize GPS tracking or "check in" to places. People will learn your patterns, could kidnap you or rob you as you are out. 
• Don't let people know where you are going.
• Don't post pictures when you are away from home, like on vacation. Again, they could break into your home.

These are just the highlights. It was a very thorough training. It was enough to make me think about my online habits and make some adjustments. So, I decided to change my Facebook profile name to an alias. At first, it really confused people. Michael Gibson became Mikey Geeze. His face was no longer in the profile picture. I can understand the confusion! I have gotten a lot of flack about the change. But, it is what it is. I have to change my online habits to protect myself, my family and my employer. Alas, what a small and insignificant sacrifice when you consider the people who really sacrifice for our country, the American soldier.

So, my friends. That is what prompted the invention of Mikey Geeze. Take what I have written and consider your online habits. I still need to clean up some of mine.

Have a great day!

Mikey Geeze

Words of Compassion and Wisdom from Pauley

I am quickly becoming a Twitter-holic. I mainly follow close friends, health and fitness trends, a variety of news sources and a few celebrities. I am a fan of NCIS and Pauley Perrette plays one of my favorite characters, Abby Sciuto. So, I recently started following her on Twitter. I have grown to love and respect her "real" persona. This morning she posted the following feed. I want to share and direct quote it with you. I hope it makes you think and take action to do something to serve your fellow man. It brought both my wife and I to tears. 

Please read, meditate on it, and do something positive for those in your community.

Peace,

Mike

Pauley Perrette (@PauleyP)

Posted Sunday 27th November 2011 from Twitlonger 

PLEASE READ THIS From Me: I work with the homeless Always have They are a part of our communities & they are people that matter. I know their names Many struggle with addiction Many are veterans Many have faced medical problems or hardships you may not understand & they have stories. Brandon Lambert comes to my church homeless lunch I volunteer at & became one of my very best friends. I hang out with this loud mouthed funny scoundrel with a Irish brogue all the time. I've spent Thanksgiving & Christmas with him for years now in the parking lot where he lives & I love him & he makes me laugh. I introduced him to my family & he had to meet any guy I was seeing. Brandon is 39 years old. His problems started years ago when his son was killed & he started hitting the bottle & the pipe. He had gotten clean, not sober, but clean & was trying. He was always filthy & I always gave him handi-wipes, huge hugs, batteries for his radio etc. & always told him I loved him . He LOVED music & I'd play him my new tracks before anyone else heard them. Brandon was hit by a car & killed on Nov. 1st. I've spent weeks looking for him & finally got the news.#RIPBrandonLambert You were SO loved. You mattered so much to me & I will miss you everyday. You were just AWESOME to me & my beloved friend. Please consider actually talking to a homeless person in your town. You might make a friend for life. His life was cut too short. Love you brother. #RIP

http://www.twitlonger.com/show/edd2r3 

What REALLY does MATTER?

Four days ago I had oral surgery: three lower molars were extracted. I am a grinder. I am systematically and relentlessly destroying my own teeth. But, this blog isn’t about my oral woes. It is about some things I have observed since I have been “under the weather,” so-to-speak.  I am a pretty social person. And, I tend to speak, or type, what is on my mind. Sometimes this is good. Sometimes this is not so good. Never-the-less, it is how I tend to roll.

Over the past few years, I have been examining my faith and belief structure. I do not want to bore my regular readers with re-visiting earlier posts. Those of you who are interested can backtrack and catch up. But, during my recent recovery, some behavioral issues have stood out to me from some religious folks whom I have known, loved and respected for most of my life. I thought I would share some of these stories with you as I process through how they have made me feel. Perhaps they will also help you in some small way.

First, I posted an online article, Swearing to Make Your Point, I had read regarding whether profanity should be used, or not, in professional slide decks and presentations. I am not one to go around “cursing people out” when I am angry. However, I do believe there are times and places where it is acceptable to be a little freer with speech than others. For instance, I am not going to go into the gym and say, “Come on guys, let’s go work our hineys off.”  I’m going to say, “Let’s kick ass!” I don’t really care if you think “ass” is profanity, or not. Truth of the matter is ass=butt=glutes=hiney=hind end. Deal with it. However, someone condemned my tolerance and occasional situational use of profanity by spiritually condemning me while also telling me how disappointed my parents would be in my behavior. Really? I am 52-years-old and you are going to try to shame me by bringing my deceased parents into the picture? It was a bit ridiculous, unbelievable and hurtful all at the same time. Fortunately, I had a great relationship with my parents. And, they loved me unconditionally. The love and acceptance I received from my parents was not based upon my behavior. Just like the love and acceptance I receive from my Lord is not based upon my behavior. In all actuality, my parents would not be upset with me. They would be upset with the insensitive comment from the other person questioning their love and acceptance of their baby boy. I tend to think that the Lord might feel the same way.

Next, I have been watching a lot of shows on Netflix as I recover. An old favorite of mine was “Dark Shadows.” So, I posted the other night I was watching this old classic. The question arises, “Seriously? Vampires?” Yes, it is called entertainment and fiction. I tend to go through this every so often. Many Christians believe that shows such as Twilight and Harry Potter should not be watched by Believers. They genuinely believe there is a spiritual overtone damaging to one’s walk with God. My response is…it is FICTION! To think such a thing, people with this mindset must really still think Satan is red, has horns and carries a pitchfork like the Halloween character. That is how you would liken the appearance to a fictional movie, right? I tend to find Satan’s cronies look more like “normal” church-goers than vampires. Seriously, isn’t that how he rolls?

I have been trying to get back to the basics: love God, love man and share God’s love with all we meet. That is the entire foundation of the Gospel. Everything else is out of my control and is between individual mankind and their God. This past week, instead of having to argue or defend something as trivial as language and entertainment, a simple, “How are you feeling post surgery?” Or, “I’m praying for your recovery,” would have been so much more Christ-like and welcomed. I want to be the, “I’m praying for you,” guy. Not the, judging and condemning man that I, unfortunately, once was. 

The Search for a Church

My wife and I moved to a new community a year ago. In our old city, we attended a very popular mega church, Ginghamsburg UMC. We loved it for a variety of reasons. Probably one of the biggest reasons was we could duck in, worship, leave and not have to worry about the regular church drama.

I set some criteria I expected in finding a place to worship in our new community:

1) I wanted to attend church close to home. I did not want to drive across town to attend the trendy church. I wanted to drive 10-minutes and build relationships with Believers in my community.

2) The style of worship didn't really matter to me. As long as it was somewhat quality. I am a musician and I just can't sit through "bad" music: high church or contemporary.

3) I no longer wish to be yelled at. I want to be taught. I want to interact. I want my opinion to be respected. I will no longer sit under anyone who tries to change people. That is God's job, not man's. And, who is any person to think they are better than the next person and have the right to try to change them? That is pride personified  in the shroud of religion.

4) I have no desire to attend a "spirit-filled" church. That maybe a shocker to those who know me. But, I am over the drama that environment brings. My experience as a Spirit-filled believer is a real experience. However, it is not a requirement to have a relationship with Christ. I try to respect my Spirit-filled brothers and sisters in Christ. But, attending that circle of churches has no appeal for me.

5) I wish to be in a fellowship of people that are real, genuine and and non-judgmental.

I'm not sure, but I think we may have found the church. So, many of you keep my family in your thoughts and prayers. I thank you for that. And, please keep them up!

Many blessings,

Mike