Thursday, December 22, 2011

Politically Correct Santa

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!?
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows:
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...

"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

Author unknown. But, thanks for sharing Jennifer!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Who in the Heck is Mikey Geeze?

I work for the Federal Government in an agency that I would have to kill you if I told you. It isn't really that secretive. But, it sounds dramatic, right? They are opening up some of our computer networks to allow social networking at work. The reason is to provide better customer support since nearly EVERYONE communicates through Twitter, Facebook and YouTube these days. So, since they are opening up this wide and wonderful world to us (like I don't know how to social network-ha), we had to take "Social Networking" training. Actually, it was very enlightening and made me think. Here are some of the recommendations and highlights:

  • Don't use a full face picture on your profile. Someone could steal it and make a fake security ID.
  • Make everything on your page as private, or restricted to only friends, as much as possible.
  • Don't put where you went to school, where you live, or where you have worked. It gives people ammunition to impersonate you.
  • Don't utilize the "I am Related to You" applications. You may have your profile locked down. But, on cousin Susie's page there you are in all of your glory. Again, ammunition to impersonate you.
  • Don't utilize GPS tracking or "check in" to places. People will learn your patterns, could kidnap you or rob you as you are out. 
  • Don't let people know where you are going.
  • Don't post pictures when you are away from home, like on vacation. Again, they could break into your home.

These are just the highlights. It was a very thorough training. It was enough to make me think about my online habits and make some adjustments. So, I decided to change my Facebook profile name to an alias. At first, it really confused people. Michael Gibson became Mikey Geeze. His face was no longer in the profile picture. I can understand the confusion! I have gotten a lot of flack about the change. But, it is what it is. I have to change my online habits to protect myself, my family and my employer. Alas, what a small and insignificant sacrifice when you consider the people who really sacrifice for our country, the American soldier.

So, my friends. That is what prompted the invention of Mikey Geeze. Take what I have written and consider your online habits. I still need to clean up some of mine.

Have a great day!

Mikey Geeze